You idiot!

You have let both of these gorgeous women escape from your life!

What could you possible of been thinking to make such a stupid decision?
Well, the mind is maze, so they say.  And reason is the minatour set as
a trap at the center to snare and annihilate the weak of heart. You have
been so snared.
  You thought in your heart, "Women, no matter how beautiful and devote
can only hinder my search for the truth.  Their sweet limbs and lips of
wine and it can only be a matter of time before I fall victim to their
materialism. They will want me as their protector, father confessor, and
provider of secruity and wealth and all of this runs exactly counter to my
heart.
  "I am on a quest for the divine and no man or woman may interfere with
or come between me and my destiny."
  Well, I just have two things to say, I mean, it is not as if I haven't
been there myself, don't think that I am being judgmental. I just
occasionally speak with the voice of Saturn, after all,  I am an
apprentice to the Judges who rule within that distant, dark sphere.  For
some reason they like having a bard around to consult with when it comes
to divining the most obscure secrets of the human heart.  
   You have forgotten that Venus, who guards the pathways to all
inspiration,  only bestows her blesings upon those who keep mysteries of
love close to their hearts.  It is not necessary to have a physical
consort. But it is necessary to live as if your consort is part of your
heart.  The reason for this?
  It is because you have chosen to approach the divine from its hidden
side.  Without a teacher or guide, you have entered unawares into the
vast, uncharted, incomprehensible and mysterious void and emptiness which
is God's other side.  Yes, you have walked right into the domain of akasha
where all roads lead to infinity.  
  Oh, it happens every now and then.  It happened to Balaam and to St.
Columba and to St. John of the Cross.  When you are without the feminine
to guide you, you lose harmony and beauty. And without these, there is no
inspiration. It is like being within a universe without stars.  
  Like I say, I have been there myself.  Why, if I wished to destroy my
worst enemies all I would need to do is to invite them for a day or two
to experience a faint trace, a mere taste,  of what I have been through.
Perhaps that is why Saturn considers me one of their own--their domain is
like a second home. 
   It is like this: those who even glance into this vastness are thrown
back and  fall under the impact of the four elements and their
enchantments.  They burn bright with arrogance and pride.  They soar into
the sky aloof as they learn to lie. They sink into the sea with drink or
dream. Or they fall into greed as they scheme and build the towers of
empires.  All of this they do to escape the dark side of God--the infinity
of unknown possibilities which belong to those who penetrate into the
Creator's mind.  Creativity like unto God's takes a very big heart, one
that can hold two hundred billion galaxies of stars.  
  It is an art best left to bards who know in their hearts how to be
darker than dark and more empty than the void. Then it is possible to
see each moment as a new creation accomplished under the inspiration of
love and beauty.

Do you go off on your own wandering the world alone in search of the
philosopher's stone, a guru's wisdom, a lama's light,  a sufi's
intoxication, a shaman's delight, an occultist's mesmeric perception, a
grove, a circle, or a magick lodge of magicians?
   
Or do you become an artist, a musician, a poet, a playwright, whatever
captures your fancy as a way to enhance your impressions taking on odd
jobs for pocket money?

Or, fill in your own best option______(I am still trying to come to grips
with your choice to leave behind such beautiful women).